var quotes=new Array();
quotes[0] = '2 is not equal to 3 - not even for large values of 2.';
quotes[1] = 'There is a time for laughing and a time for not laughing. This is not one of them.';
quotes[2] = 'If at first you don\'t succeed, skydiving is not for you.';
quotes[3] = 'The trouble with being punctual is that nobody\'s there to appreciate it.  <i>-Franklin P. Jones</i>';
quotes[4] = 'Cats aren\'t clean, they\'re just covered with cat spit.';
quotes[5] = 'I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.';
quotes[6] = 'There are terrible temptations which it requires strength and courage to yield to.  <i>-Oscar Wilde</i>';
quotes[7] = 'The measure of a man is usually about 5 foot 11';
quotes[8] = 'Did you really think you could call up the devil and ask him to behave? <i>-Mulder</i>';
quotes[9] = 'Sure, everyone always said \'Socrates, what is the meaning of life?\' or \'Socrates, how can I find happiness?\', but did anyone ever say \'Socrates, hemlock is poison.\'???????  <i>-Socrates right before his death</i>';
quotes[10] = 'The problem with talking to yourself is that half the time you know what you\'re going to say.';
quotes[11] = 'People who drink light \'beer\' don\'t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.';
quotes[12] = 'Start at the beginning. And when you get to the end - stop.';
quotes[13] = 'Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that\'s how dogs spend their lives.\" <i>-Sue Murphy</i>';
quotes[14] = 'Madness takes it\'s toll. Please have exact change.';
quotes[15] = 'The meek shall inherit the earth - they are too weak to refuse.';
quotes[16] = 'People who need people are people who don\'t realize just how annoying people can be.';
quotes[17] = 'Sometimes being an adult is exactly what you imagined it would be when you were five: staying up late and eating Lucky Charms for dinner.';
quotes[18] = 'I think one reason they call them \'Relaxed Fit\' jeans is that \'Ass The Size of Texas\' jeans would not sell very well.';
quotes[19] = 'My father told me to remember two things in life. Look out for Number One, and remember your number.';
quotes[20] = 'By the time they had diminished from 50 to eight, the other dwarves began to suspect \'Hungry\'.';
quotes[21] = 'Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk?';
quotes[22] = 'Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve women who treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts.';
quotes[23] = 'At a bookstore the other day, I saw a book entitled ‘Sex for Dummies’. Why would someone want to teach dumb people how to reproduce? Aren\'t there enough of them with access to the internet now???';
quotes[24] = 'As it turns out, the love you take is inversely proportional to the square root of the love you make. Paul McCartney needs to check his math.';
quotes[25] = 'If you\'re a prince who\'s been turned into a frog, and you convince a princess that kissing you would turn you back into a prince — and then she actually kissed you — well, wouldn\'t you, in the back of your mind, think that she, maybe, was just a little hard up for a man?';
quotes[26] = 'I\'ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.';
quotes[27] = 'It\'s important to pay close attention in school — for years I thought that bears masturbated all winter.';
quotes[28] = 'Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny yet measurable distance from the earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth\'s surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs. The tallest ones, anyway.';
quotes[29] = 'Scientists have discovered that time is not real, that we only live in the current moment. But then according to that, they haven\'t done the research, and don\'t really have anything to back them up, do they?';
quotes[30] = 'Never execute code written on a Friday or a Monday.';
quotes[31] = 'Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it\'s released. Beta is Latin for \'still doesn\'t work\'.';
quotes[32] = 'There is an old saying that if a million monkeys typed on a million keyboards for a million years, eventually all the works of Shakespeare would be produced. Now, thanks to Usenet, we know this is not true.';
quotes[33] = 'I just bet that if world peace breaks out someday, there\'ll be lots of parties around the world. Then someone will get drunk and start a fight.';
quotes[34] = 'I don\'t exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.';
quotes[35] = 'People always ask me, \"Where were you when Kennedy was shot?\" Well, I don\'t have an alibi.';
var whichquote=Math.floor(Math.random()*(quotes.length));
document.write(quotes[whichquote]);