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09/27/2007: "The Twist I Didn't See Coming"
There was a reason I changed careers over 3 years ago. I hated the high tech industry (I was a software test manager for those of you just tuning in) and I had had a series of really crappy bosses. I myself was no prize as an employee by that point, I'll admit, but I kept showing up, flailing about, trying my damndest to figure out what the hell my bosses wanted when, in fact, I don't really believe now that they knew themselves.
It was no party.
When I started seriously considering actually quitting my job and taking some time to figure out what I wanted to do, it was terrifying. I'd had a job consistently from the age of 19. How could I walk away from income? It seemed completely self-indulgent and irresponsible, particularly because my husband, who had been laid off, was working to start up his own business.
But finally the Sunday night blues that started on Friday afternoon became too much for me. I was a wreck. I knew I was no good to live with - hell, I didn't even want to live with myself. There were moments when I honestly considered some very drastic measures in order to exit my life and that's when I knew I was overdue for a serious re-evaluation. So I quit and tried to figure out what was next for me.
The question I kept coming back to was, "What is the hardest thing you can think of doing that you might still like?". I am not cut out for the military, the sciences or much in the way of physical jobs. I don't like blood and wanted decent hours. I like to cook but restaurant work is a pain in the ass. I wanted something where it was OK to stay off the career ladder - the constant grasping for a raise, a promotion, more employees was sickening in high tech and I was never a political monster anyway. I hated that there were politics at all and I was relatively bad at them.
I settled on teaching. Teaching is hard work, a constant challenge. But there are breaks and perks. Dave and I were considering kids at that point and a teacher has a good schedule, being off school with the kids. Teachers can leave after school and even if they bring work home with them, they're at home doing it. With their kids. Teaching is structured and I like structure.
Also, I am maybe a little bit bossy. Maybe.
I had originally thought that I only wanted to teach younger kids - kindergarten, first grade... nothing higher than third - no way. Then I was offered an internship as an 8th grade teacher. This is now my fourth year teaching 8th grade at the same school, and I enjoy what I do. I like the kids, the challenges, the humor it takes to get through the day. I like the family of teachers and the small community of the staff. I love how the day flies by - my workday never drags anymore. I'm in and out hardly before I know it.
I'd really thought that things like meetings, business trips and all that lot were out of my life forever. But late last year I was approached to be the curriculum leader for 8th grade. How this happened is a bit of a long story but all you really need to know is that there was a stipend and I figured we could use the money, especially with a new baby.
Oh, I knew that there would be some extra workdays, some extra work. I knew there were monthly meetings at the district office and more meetings with the leadership team. What I didn't know was that there could be a business trip involved.
I'm being offered the chance to fly down to San Diego in February with the leadership team for a symposium. It's a long weekend gig - fly down Thursday night, come back Sunday, back in class on Monday.
Dessa will be eight months and one week old. Not that I'm counting.
On the one hand it would be politically savvy for me to go to this thing, strengthen my connections, learn a lot. On the other hand, can I really pay attention if I constantly want to get up and call home to check the baby? Granted, my mom would have her on Friday and Dave is perfectly capable of caring for her and she'll be twice as old as she is now, but...
But...
How horrible of a mother would I be to leave my 8 month old for 3 days? As horrible as I was to go back to work when she was 11 weeks old? More horrible (... horribler?)
I really thought I was done with these questions because I'd gotten away from situations where they were even raised in the first place. The irony doesn't escape me.
Replies: 1 Comment - Go read it!
on Thursday, September 27th, Jeannie said
Dilemmas suck. I could tell you that when all is said is done, everything will be fine, and you'll have more money in your pocket at the end -- but you already know that. I totally get the desire to eat up every precious moment possible, and not miss a single one. On the other hand -- you'd be giving Dave and Dessa some time alone together. Love you, miss you, thinking of you guys all the time! -J
Notes from a Yarn Hacker
